When I found BTS, I didn't like them at first but back then I only knew their debut album. Since I have always been interested in smart idols I was searching for role models by watching a Running Man episode because of Kyuhyun (Super Junior). In this episode Namjoon (Rap Monster back then) run in the front from behind the scenes after an impressive introduction. He was loosely, charming and he smiled humbly while listening the emcee's reactions of his talent and knowledge and I could only think of that there is something more here... According to this show Bangtans can not be the people that I thought of them who they are earlier. So I ended up checking their song called Dope that they just released... And I hopelessly fall in love with the sound. The truth is, I was interested in the band at that time because the Hungarian k-pop fandom listened to them a lot. Also I heard their song 'Boy In Luv' in every other show and I didn't know that song yet. So I thought through everything after searching this song: Who played this kind of music? BTS, of course! And I found it straight away. I am not saying I became fan immediately nor that they became my favourite band. No, thank you. I had my Bigbang, Infinite and several bands that I have listened but all roads lead to Rome. Where Infinite performed, BTS did too. When I was reading about smart idols videos popped up about Namjoon's brilliant mind and I was so impressed. I wanted to be like him altough I liked Jungkook from the members. Slowly but surely they became part of my life.

However, I remember of the change. I found Steven Deng's 'first time listening to k-pop' video who just started out making videos on YouTube. He became a fan straight away and I was watching his videos happily. One day in 2015 he uploaded a Korean Show's Year ending performance. I became the person I am today because of that if I want to be so dramatic. BTS performed the song Perfect man by SHINHWA. It was only Jimin dancing in this video who had orange hair back then. Without Steven I might have never clicked on a video that had Jimin in it because I didn't really felt sympathy with him at that time. Seeing him dancing felt so unearthly. Wow, is it possible to move like this? He was living the choreography even his face was dancing and tho I have been a k-popper, I have never seen such perfectionism before. I admit I liked the guy with his orange hair and his awesome moves but this was never a priority to me. No, I rather found his moves inspirational. I was a senior in High School and my goal was to get the best grades on my final exams. I remember my morning ritual: breakfast, getting dressed, make up, Jimin's video, packing and leaving to school. I started every single morning of mine with this thought 'If Jimin could learn this dance so perfectly I am also capable to do my best at my tasks' which was studying at that time. I cannot say when was the exact moment when I realized I know not only Jimin and Namjoon but I am even capable of telling all of the members apart. One day I just realized I know everything about them that a fan could possibly know. BTS was so special at that time because they delivered so much content. Twitter, RUN, Season's Greetings, music shows, variety shows, Problematic Men and so on. A lot of songs every year. They had a story throughout their music videos which made our imagination excited and we fabricated millions of theories for them. Kept us busy. We all could feel Sherlock a bit when we finally figured a symbol out in one of the music videos. If I wanted to listen to music BTS was there. If I wanted to read something I could find thousand of fanfictions written by armys on English pages. I wanted to watch something? There was always new content. Since then there was not a single day when I was not dealing with them in some way. Their music was so diverse I could find a song that suited for every mood I was in and I found stories to read for every word I was searching for. I didn't wish anything more. I knew that this band is THE band. Because of this I was brave enough to order merchandise with their names. I knew this thing was going to last long.

Therefore, when you spend so much time with people, you are not just a fan but start to get to love them. Their success was my success and their sadness was my sadness. I felt every pain of theirs. The hard times somehow brought us closer. When nothing was in the right place in my personal life, they have been the only reason I could smile and laugh. When I needed motivation I had their words and lyrics'. I only needed to look at them to see the pay off of hard work. The mv of FIRE has been released the previous night of my final written exam and I knew I was going to perform well if I listen to that song. "Live your life. It's yours anyway." Save Me came out two weeks before my oral exams and it instantly became my favourite. It was so simple, so natural. Couple of guys performing a perfect choreography in the sand without any fancy background nor even in a nice weather for a beautiful song like Save Me...

"I want to breathe, I hate this night I want to wake up, I hate this dream I’m trapped inside of myself and I’m dead"

What else could I expect for? I was listening to that song during studying, sometimes more than ten hours a day. I really felt the lyrics at that time. Save me! I started to like Suga. I don't know why exactly that time or why I haven't noticed him before but he became my bias wrecker. I achieved every school related goal of mine thanks to Bangtan's motivation and I finally started to learn Korean in a language school so I can study something I'm interested in. I met you thanks to this which is also a really important phrase of my life and my love for BTS. The first k-pop party was launched too with the emerging BTS and EXO. Couple of days prior Yoongi's Mixtape was released and I will never forget how I felt when I first listened to it. Amazing. It's still amazing. Am I really that lucky that I can live in the same era as them? At that time of course we had nice parties listening to Agust D and the freshly debuted Blackpink but then I heard the song 'The last' from the mixtape. A song about depression, purposeless and suffering youngsters, about Yoongi goddamn it. They were not singing about how much they want a girl, baby here, baby there. Surely they have love songs too but hey! Who started their carrier with the sentence 'I want big house, big cars, big rings but I don't have any big dreams'. Well, BTS did. And who would write songs about their weaknesses?

'On the first visit to psychiatric ward
My parents came up with me
We listened to the consultation together
My parents said they don’t truly understand me
I don’t understand myself well either
Then who would understand?
Friends? Or you? Nobody knows me well'

BTS did. If I have any question about life I can get a tons of answers from their lyrics'. As they write their problems down I realize we are not that different from each other. They are just some youngsters too who try to fulfill in life. They are not making us believe that their lifes are perfect just because they are famous. They burn out sometimes too and there are days when they don't feel like doing anything either. They don't entirely know what they want from life either or even who they truly are but they offer their hands saying 'Hey, it's okay being unsure, here is my hand, hold it and together we will be stronger. Let's walk on this path together until we figure this World out.' This is the most beautiful thing because I know even if we do walk through this path and eventually I want to let their hands go they will smile happily and say 'Congratulation little Army for growing up and not needing us anymore'. Altough I don't think this time will ever come...

And what BTS gave me? Acceptance towards others. The K-pop culture was not that accepted in Hungary before than now. Still I can barely find people who can understand this culture. This also gave me strength. Dare to be different even tho everyone else is listening and loving something else than you. Don't leave your favs. I also found friends. Up until this day if I say hi to a girl who wears BTS merch she will greet me happily even if we only ask each other who our biases are and we continue with our days. We became a community with programs, and reader-writer groups on Wattpad. This is also how I found close friends. I got a lot of great memories. If I want to reflect on my life of happy moments things pop up like k-pop parties, best fanfictions, days when we were waiting for the albums, days when we were up late to wait for BTS's time on American tv programs, when we were listening to Agust D's mixtape at night in a park, when we first won The Artist of The Year Award, when we first won Billboard Top Social Artist Award, when they just simply posted something, when they went live on V Live or even when I wrote my first fanfiction...They also helped me making serious decisions in my life. They helped me survive difficult situations. They stayed with me when everyone else was too busy with their own life. They are like the first sunlight shining through the dark window. Like good friends. We can almost communicate with each other. Sometimes when something happen to me or I hear something they are the first people I want to tell to and then I realize we don't even know each other... And this is so unbelievable.

And why do I think they are so successful beside of the catchy songs? They give. They give so much that we would like to give them back and still we can never pay back everything they have done for us. This is why we vote so much on the Award shows and this is why we try to make every breathing person become an army. We just try to pay back the debt. I think a lot of people don't understand what I'm talking about. What debt? Well, when I read the comments under Yoongi's songs or someone is talking about BTS on Twitter they are telling stories about how the boys changed their lives or how they saved them. How BTS helped them when someone passed away, when they had serious mental health problems or when someone assault them. BTS is a safe place. A little island for us that noone can take away from us. *sniff*